Flow Gently, Sweet Afton.

It's a dark Monday night. I am supposed to be writing a paper about religious transformation but I'm suffering a terrible case of writers block so I figure maybe this will help me? Last week I headed home to my parents for some MUCH-NEEDED relaxation. It was delightful to spend time with my family. The thing that I realized is that the rehumanization of Ann is no joke. I have taken the school process too seriously this semester and I have lost sight of the joy. So, now that finals are a week away I've decided to forget the studying... which is a laugh since there is no way that I could forget studying. But, I am determined to allow myself to enjoy life and the here and now. Why am I telling you this? Because you get to help me. Let's enjoy life together. Let's have a cup of coffee and talk about all the things we love. Let's go Christmas tree shopping together and bake Christmas cookies. Away with the sad, lonely existence. I am announcing my arrival. I am back, let's embrace this life together!
From here on out I am going to embrace the literal biscuits. Have I told you about biscuits? I apologize if I haven't! In Ezekiel there is a passage where he prays to die but instead of granting this wish, God sends him an angel with a biscuit who tells him "arise and eat for the journey is too long." All month long I have been searching for biscuits to encourage me on a journey too long for me to handle. Without fail, God has sent them. The journey is too long for me, but I am re-energized by little biscuits sent from heaven. My favorite song playing after an unfortunate and disappointing conversation. Christmas lights on the way home. Sunshine and pine-trees on a warm winter's day. Bread pudding baking in the oven. Soy Eggnog (betcha didn't even know they made that!) Unexpected deep conversations. Unexplainable hope and energy. These are my biscuits. They might seem funny or illogical to you, but to me, they make the difference between hope and despair. They represent those daily little messages from God that tell me I'm going to be ok, maybe even better than ok, because God has taken me and now whether I turn to the right or the left, I can hear his voice saying "this is the way, walk in it my beloved!"

True Freedom

It's COLD! Somewhere between yesterday when I left work, and this morning when I left for school, winter arrived, quietly slipping into my world to remind me that, yes, you have to wear a coat to school. I slept through my alarm this morning, scurried to get ready, realized I had no coffee in the house, rushed to class, felt like I had the flu and then watched District 9 with my classmates so then I felt like I had the flu even more: let's be honest, pulling fingernails off onscreen is just disturbing! By the time it was noon, I was feeling harried and sad. But then I walked out of class and and the brisk wind smelled like snow and I realized: I love this time of year! Why am I complaining??? I decided to forget about the plan I had made more my day so I sent to the grocery store on the way home from school to buy a bunch of apples and bake all afternoon. As I was walking into the store, the bell-ringer from the Salvation Army was singing Christmas carols with abandon and joy. Her mood put my mood into a better spirit and I almost danced through the grocery store anticipating a cozy afternoon of baking and listening to Christmas carols. When I got home I set to work peeling the colorful apples and making up my own recipe. Yes, Paula Deen and Julia Child would be so proud. Instead of following someone else's thoughts, I decided to make up my own. The result is marvelous and I have faith that though I may fail my classes this semester, I will be able to stand with all of the courage of my convictions behind me and say that I ate WELL this semester and I was happy. After this afternoon I feel human again. What a joy. Now, all I have to do is find some willing persons to help me finish the apple delight....

"I get a kick out of you..."

How about a bit more light-hearted post??? Tonight I'm feeling rather fine. I had a great day of accomplishment and studying which feels pretty sweet. Yesterday's sermon was about doing everything heartily as unto the Lord. That we don't necessarily have to be a pastor or a missionary to be living in God's will and spreading the gospel. So with that in mind, I wrote papers heartily as unto the Lord today. What a trip! : )

Now, I thought that tonight I'd share a few titches and tidbits with you all, my cyber family.
- - I have found myself laughing quite a bit recently over little things. Friday night my mom and I were packing boxes to send to underprivileged children all over the world. I wanted so badly to make my box beautiful to bless this little girl or boy but I could not, no matter how hard I tried, manage to wrap it neatly. The paper tore; it crinkled, and by the time I finished the box looked more like a jumpled mess of crumpled, taped, tissue paper, than the beautiful masterpiece I'd seen in my mind's eye. I had to laugh at my total lack artistic ability. Maybe my box will make it's way to a kindred spirit who will understand the jumbled mass...
- - Sunday my parent's and siblings came over for a little Sunday dinner. I was so excited to get to be entertaining and so I decided to make these delicious chocolate chip cookies. It was a great idea, make my house smell like cookies and all, but somehow it just didn't quite work again. I didn't have the right ingredients so I improvised and though they tasted good, there was a little sparkle missing from them... I had to laugh at the little brown blobs... Julia Child says you have to have the courage of your convictions when you cook but I have courage of my conviction coming out my ears so perhaps I should start developing my grocery list...
- - Saturday afternoon a close friend of mine came to spend the day with me. It was a picture perfect afternoon of laughing until we cried and running around the Nelson like a couple of giddy middle schoolers. Some friends you can just click with even after months of absence. Saturday was an afternoon of clicking. The weather was perfect, the breeze was whispering, the sun was shining. We tiptoed through the mummies and the Monets and the Cezannes and then we ran laughing through the green grass letting out the energy which we had suppressed in the museum. We walked through the plaza with our coffee admiring the water in Brush Creek and watching the wind whip flags from far away places: Spain, Ivory Coast, Japan... I had to laugh. Here we are, two girls from Kansas and Nebraska, spending a precious afternoon away from reality laughing over tiny things. It was a moment of total joy.
EDIT:: Check out the girl with photography skills who just happens to be my sister and who just happened to be cool enough to document this moment... artandelephants.blogspot.com
- - I could certainly keep going. I have discovered laughter is the stuff which makes this dark reality so much brighter. I laugh at everything now. I laugh when my car breaks down and there isn't money in my bank account. I laugh because I know that these things are a part of something bigger and deeper and it makes me excited because isn't that what we're all longing for? To go deeper, bigger, longer, into meaning and truth and beauty? Even when we laugh to keep from crying, or when we cry even as we're laughing, we all long for that depth and that is why we persevere.

Hope

A vortex of school and work and life has seemed to suck up all free reflection time that I have had this semester. Oh well... Here I am now, there is a brief free moment in my life and I have this tremendous urge to share what I've been reading with the world around me so I suppose this medium will have to do... I'm in the process of doing research right now for a paper on the reconstruction of South Africa. I'm writing about the roll which art had in the reconciliation and expression of individual experiences. I love this topic because art is something that I am so passionate about. And just so that we're clear, by art I mean paintings, music, poetry, drama, lots of different forms. Today I sat under a tree, by a lake, on campus reading "Come and Hope With Me." It blew me away with its incredible dignity and beauty and I was overcome with the sense that "yes! this is what I love! This is what I want to communicate with the world!" So congratulations you, you have the privilege of hearing some of the most beautiful words around tonight!

Come and Hope With Me, by Mongane Wally Serote.

come
i need you when i dream
when i hope
when i fight
come, i need you

we must you and i
when history repeats itself
we must return
to dream and hope and fight
for the best for all of us
that is why we are here
come and hope with me oh child
come

we must you and i when history repeats itself
we must return
to dream
to hope
to fight
for the beauty of human life is that we came here to think
and to plan
and to see the future
and to know and to drink and to eat and to have a home

come
when it is lonely
when they have frightened me
when with their noises and footsteps
with their trucks and horses
when they have come for you and for me
and the stars are a witness
and the moon is a witness
and the sun is a witness
when history repeats itself

come
come and be with me
come and hope and dream with me
come my friend and be with me
come let's repeat history together

when history repeats itself
let's deliver humanness to the knowledge of human beings
come
and hope and dream with me
when we prepare for war for peace
come and fight in your heart
come with truth
come with knowledge for life
come and be with me


I know this is a really long quote, but I can't bring myself to cut any of it out. The imagery of sharing passion between the human spirit, the communion of dedication between individuals, it is beautiful. This is why art is important in reconciliation! This poem is a cry from one heart to another. It transcends logic to create human connection and meaning in the midst of destruction and despair. It is beautiful.